


Another LotF Crack Fic!

by FeliciaAmelloides



Series: A Oneshot a Day... [212]
Category: Lord of the Flies - William Golding
Genre: Bill is Magic, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Crack, Deliberately OOC, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Shipping, author insert, everyone dies, innuendos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-06-19 01:51:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15499662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeliciaAmelloides/pseuds/FeliciaAmelloides
Summary: A ripple in time causes the biguns to start acting very strangely on the island one day... All of a sudden, Jack is in love with Simon and everyone else is in love with Jack! Also, that female OC is back and is also in love with the knife-wielding ginger!With Simon as the only normal character and Bill as the strange magical guru, the pair have to work together to appease the fandom into normality.





	Another LotF Crack Fic!

**Author's Note:**

> I love and hate myself so much for writing these.
> 
> Maladaptive daydreaming led to my author insert character being in most of my LotF crackfics too, so sorry about that... It’s because I’m used to imagining her as being on the island even though she really wasn’t. 
> 
> Sorry, I’ll shut up now.
> 
> Enjoy~

“Simon-kun!” Jack-chan produced a bouquet of island flowers from... um, somewhere... for his precious kouhai. Simon turned from where he’d been picking berries for the littluns with a confused frown.

“Yes?” He asked calmly. Jack blushed.

“S-Si... I... love you!” He stammered, thrusting the bouquet into the younger boy’s arms. 

“What about me?” Ralph screeched as he leapt out of a bush. His face was on fire, but at least he was keeping the fire going.

“And I? Whymst’ve art thou abandoning watashi for fair Simeon?” Piggy queried from a tree. Roger suddenly materialised, slamming a heavy rock into Piggy’s head as he approached Jack. Although he was shorter, his shaggy dark hair, contrasting pale complexion and deep brown eyes were perfect for seduction. Roger wasted no time in cupping Jack’s cheeks, leaning in dangerously close.

“What about me Jackie? Have you forgotten last night already?” From the shadows a girl burst forth, shoving Roger away from her senpai and wrapping her arms around Jack’s neck.

“That’s my line!” She snapped to Roger furiously, then to Jack, “Come on Jackie... Shouldn’t Si be with Ralph?”

“Well, that would be pretty hot... If I could join in?” Jack replied as he looked into the girl’s eyes, still blushing a little but not because of her.

“Hang on. Who the bloody hell are you?” Ralph glared at the girl jealously. She grinned and winked at him.

“The hot chick who’s gonna steal your man~” She said flirtatiously. Suddenly a spear was thrown in her direction, knocking her to the floor in a pile of blood and... um... stuff which generally goes into a peach on the Italian Riviera.

“Hey! Jack is mine y’all!” Maurice swung in through the trees on a vine like Tarzan, landing terribly but still managing to tie Jack up with the vine.

“That’s pretty hot.” Roger muttered breathlessly. Simon looked around at the group of people who had suddenly assaulted him, the flowers still clutched between his fingers.

“Um... what’s going on here?” He asked nervously, feeling really confused. Everyone was acting strange, and he’d never even seen the dead girl on the floor before. 

“Well Si, I’m trying to seduce you while these arseholes act like arseholes.” Jack explained graciously. Suddenly everyone began to argue.

Simon anxiously looked from person to personal trying his best to mitigate the conflict but too shy to say anything. Then, he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder. He spun around to see Bill standing there and beckoning him away. Quickly he took the chance to escape.

The pair ran until they reached a dark corner of the jungle, far from everyone else on the island. Once they’d caught their breaths, Bill spoke.

“Glad I got you in time. Everyone’s been acting strangely today, right?” Simon nodded, causing his hair to bounce up and down on his shoulders.

“Do you know what’s happening?” He’d always liked Bill actually. He was one of the few boys in the choir who was just... nice. Maurice was nice too, of course, but he was also completely insane at the best of times. Bill was the only normal one, and therefore he often got overlooked by everyone else. On the island, he was more prominent due to being one of the few biguns with a clear opinion. He was also omnipresent, with the magical ability of being able to simultaneously leave Ralph’s group for Jack’s tribe and stay in Ralph’s group in Chapter 10. 

Fourth-wall-breaking aside, Bill had some explaining to do.

“It seems like there’s been a rift in the time loop. I was on the mountain looking out at everyone, and all the biguns have become corrupted by it. Also, a random girl appeared on the island. I think this is something to do with the ‘fandom’.”

“Fandom?” Si still didn’t understand. Even Bill wasn’t acting like himself. The blond boy nodded.

“It’s a place where lots of people are like me. They can be everywhere on the island at once, and they know a lot about all of us. The only difference is they’re not here physically. Instead, they use a book to travel places.”

“So... we’re in a book, and they read it?” That seemed to be what Bill was trying to say. He nodded again, proving Simon to be correct.

“Someone must have tampered with the book somehow. Rewritten it so everyone’s in love with Jack except you and I, while Jack’s in love with you. That girl Maurice killed was the author. I thought killing her would reverse everyone back to normal, but it seems that’s not enough.” 

“Then what do we do?” Usually Simon wouldn’t believe such things, but it seemed even he had been partially rewritten to be more naive. It’s just that the author was murdered before she could alter him further. So he tried to think of ways to help.

“Well... I don’t know exactly, but I think the solution might need to be something which appeases the fandom.”

“Like what?” Bill sighed.

“You know when Jack said he wouldn’t mind you, Ralph and him being together as like, a triple?” Simon said nothing, but Bill took it as an affirmative, “Well, go back there and pretend you want that, then get Jack and Ralph to kiss. That’ll break the spell.” 

“How? That makes even less sense than everything that’s happened today!” For the first time in his life, Simon actually felt mildly irritated.

“Just do it.” Bill snapped. Shia motivated him.

Thirty seconds later, Simon was standing before Jack and Ralph. Everyone else lay dead around them, so he supposed the argument must have turned to violence. It would be okay. As soon as they kissed, everything would reset.

“You... want me to kiss _him_?” Jack seemed offended, but not angry. Yet.

“You want _me_ to kiss him?” Ralph sounded way too excited at the prospect. Simon just nodded at both of them.

“Jack, if you do it I’ll kiss you.” He hoped he didn’t sound too unenthusiastic. Immediately Jack grinned and pulled an eager Ralph in for a kiss. Guess he did then.

Suddenly, everyone around them teleported back to where they should have been and Simon felt his head clear of OOC-ness. The author’s corpse vanished without a trace.

Jack pulled away from Ralph slowly, and they looked at each other with parted lips and wide eyes. A few seconds of bewildered shock passed before suddenly they both punched each other in the face, knocking them both out. Simon stared, half-laughing and half about to screech, faint or both.

He opted for dragging them to opposite sides of the island and hoping to Golding they wouldn’t remember any of this when they woke up.

The End.....?

**Author's Note:**

> If you have a copy of LotF, read chapter 10 again. Notice how Bill is in Ralph’s group while simultaneously being in Jack’s? It’s one of my favourite continuity errors, as well as Maurice being both the second-tallest and one of the shortest biguns. 
> 
> I have a headcanon that Bill is omnipresent. He is everywhere...
> 
> Prompt- Favourite characters from any fandom but totally OOC.
> 
> My favourite characters are Jack, Ralph and Simon (Simon is my number 1 favourite), but I love so many of them that I just threw in a bunch and hoped for the best.
> 
> Original Number- 245.


End file.
